When I walk into the local unemployment office (arbetsformedlingen), I always sort of hope that nobody I know will see me and when I'm in there I have an intense urge to explain myself. I just want to say something like: "Well, you know, I'm not like the rest of the people here. I actually have an education and work experience and this whole unemployment thing is just sort of a little snag I'm working through". And then I wonder why I feel this way. Where are these feelings of shame coming from and why does it make me feel less crappy to wrongfully assume that I'm somehow better than the other poor souls in there? I'm not sure, but I don't like it.
Speaking of shame, the other night I was thinking to myself that maybe I should just apply for a cashier job at an outlet store where I used to work before I met Andrew. Then, I realized that they probably wouldn't hire me seeing my degree on my CV, thinking I will just ditch them the first chance I get, so I would need to take that out and replace it with just my high school diploma. And then, I thought: "Have I gone mad!? I worked way too hard for that to take it out!".
So, I guess I'll keep on trucking, my CV remaining intact. I do still have hope. It seems improbable that I wouldn't eventually find something.
Andrew hasn't heard anything either, in case you're wondering.
|On our way to the park this morning.|